A Little too Late.

I think it’s a gift for all of us to come to a point where we have a dream, we have a vision of how we want our future to look like, and we just can’t seem to shake it off. It’s like that black stain on your white t-shirt that you can’t seem to wipe. And to some extend, it’s almost as if these visions and dreams are both good and bad. It gives us a reason to live, while perhaps at the same time almost suicidal. 

A reason to live is pretty simple, right? Dreams get you excited. When you know where you want to go, you know what steps to take, it makes life somewhat easier (or not! haha). For some of us, that’s still hard to figure out, because we don’t know what we want to be when we grow up. For me, I was blessed to know what I want to do since I was little. I wanted to write books, that’s it. I wanted to write stuff that people will enjoy reading and walk away as a better person from it. And yet even having that vision in mind, I still find myself wondering if I should just quit and do something “normal”. Like working for a big company, or starting a food business (which is what everyone does these days!). 

Because dreaming big hurts too. I know very well the cost we have to bear to pursue our dreams is big. Often times it requires us to give all in, nothing left, holding nothing back. And this process will hurt, we will have to let go of a lot of things. That’s why it’s inevitable for us to feel like we want to quit somewhere along the line. Even looking back, sometimes I still wonder why I started to write in the first place. 

Truth is, it’s not all-fun-in-the-sun to wake up at 4AM for a month or two just to get a draft finished (yes, I’ve done that multiple times!). It’s not fun to say “no” to a night out with your favorite friends just because you had a writer’s block (read here about it) earlier and you still have a deadline to meet. It’s not easy to force yourself to write even though you are having a fever. These are not fun examples, you wouldn’t want to be caught in any of these situations. (Although, keep in mind that on the other side of the story, I still love love love to write!) 

But see, I know I’m somewhere ahead from that first step. I am somewhat years away from my starting line. And knowing that I am in the middle of the journey, that I have sacrificed quite a number of things to get to where I am today, I have even more reasons not to quit. 

So where are you now? I wonder if you are just a step away from becoming everything God has called you to be. Or if you are already in it, being prepared to elevate to your next level. I wonder if all that will take for you to cross your finish line is simple to hang on just a little bit longer, one more lap, one more breath, one more decision not to quit. I wonder if I am that close. But we will never know, I will never know. The only way to find out is to stay and not quit. 

Because wherever you are, I really think it’s a little too late to turn back now.